Oh Those Unhappy Tourists

God dammit! I want to scream at these people who write this nonsensical, irritating bullshit.  Are these people down to their last remaining brain cells?  Do I laugh or do I cry for humanity?  What about laughing my ass off?  It’s a mix. Scream at the stupidity, laugh at the feeble-mindedness.  I read this list of complaints from dissatisfied customers of Thomas Cook Vacations.  I’m compelled to share these complaints along with identifying the differences between a tourist and a traveler.  There are vast differences, in fact, the differences are polar opposites.  These complaints fit the very definition of a tourist.

This is not a complaint about Thomas Cook Vacations.  This is a highlight of those who complain for the sake of it, who feel entitled but are not, who lack cultural understanding and/or who simply don’t have common sense.  At first, these complaints don’t seem legit, but they are and they are ignorantly absurd.  Who could be so ignorant?  The next time you travel, be open-mined and adventurous.  Stop your complaining and don’t be an entitled douche bag.

Here are some simple differences between a tourist and a traveler.

Tourists – Tourists tend to stay in their comfort zones that are familiar with their home lifestyle.  They huddle around an area with the masses speaking their native tongue – unwilling to learn local languages and phrases.  Tourists normally stay around large cities and don’t go off-the-beaten-path.  The amenities they seek are similar to home.  They can often be seen staring into oblivion like a deer in headlights, asking for the nearest fast food chain or franchise restaurant, wear non-cultural clothing and have their minds stuck on an itinerary that has no flexibility.  Yawn, snore, Zzzzzz!

Photo via www.stylespalace.com

Photo via www.stylespalace.com








Travelers –  Travelers are open-minded and want to learn everything they can while in a new place. They go off-the-beaten-path to immerse themselves with the locals.  Travelers will eat unique local foods, sit in boutique coffee shops and converse with strangers and consider their trip an adventure not a vacation.  Travelers understand they are in a foreign place – the culture, language and vibe is different and they love every minute of their experience.  Travelers may have an itinerary and use a guide-book, but they are flexible and willing to alter their plans at any given moment. Spontaneity and adapting is key.  Being uptight and rigid is not a sign of a traveler.  Travelers want fun and mental orgasms not stiff unhappiness – what do you think jobs are for?

Photo via www.afs.org

Photo via www.afs.org







Brace yourselves for dullness, ignorance and hilarity. Thank you Thomas Cook Vacations for sharing the mindset of the unhappy, bored, simple-minded tourist.


1. “They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.”

2. “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”

3. “We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”

4. “We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price.”

5. “The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”

6. “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.”

7. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time — this should be banned.”

8. “No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.”

9. “Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.”

10. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”

11. “The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun.”

12. “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”

13. “I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends’ three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.”

14. “The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the resort.’ We’re trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service.”

15. “When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”

16. “We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.”

17. “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”

18. “I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes.”

19. “My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”

where the magic happens







Here’s to the free-spirited, laid-back, open-minded and common sense travelers.  I’m one of them.  If I’m with an up-tight, complaint filled tourist, I go off on my own.  I’d hang with the locals, learn from them and alter my plans based on their suggestions to experience the magic of their hometown.

Feature photo via blogs.hrhero.com by Dan Oswald

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